5 ways to deepen your friendships

spend more time together. (yes, really.)

one of the key ingredients to deepening friendships is spending time together, but sometimes our busy schedules or fear of reaching out can get in the way. surprisingly, it takes about 34 hours to move someone from an acquaintance to a friend, which means you might have to be a bit more intentional to get it done.

here’s how to make it happen: think of a simple ritual you two can share. maybe you commit to a video call every Friday morning for 30 minutes, or go on a walk 1-2 times a week during your lunch break. think of low-lift ways you can connect with consistency to remove the mental labor of figuring out what to do and when to get together. this puts some aspect of your friendship on autopilot, and it adds an extra layer of security to the friendship because you know that no matter what, you’re going to see each other.

take a (tiny!) risk.

we know that vulnerability brings people together, but how can we open up to each other in a safe and practical way? lean into the “beautiful mess effect”—a phenomenon where people tend to overestimate how harshly they'll be judged after opening up. the reality is, people actually tend to like others more after they’ve been vulnerable.

so, unfriend your fear and find a way to show up a bit more fully.

maybe you have an opinion that differs from your friend group and you finally decide to share. maybe you’re nervous to share a big goal with a friend because you’re unsure if she’ll think it’s silly. give yourself permission to show up authentically through little risks, and you just might find that your friends ultimately like you more because of it.

have that hard conversation.

has your friend recently said or done something to make you uncomfortable? staying silent might feel like the safe choice, but research shows that having healthy conflict with a friend can actually bring you closer together.

think about it– real friends want to know how to love you well, and they can only do that if you give them all of the data that they need.so, if there is a boundary you’ve been compromising or behaviors you’ve been tolerating, challenge yourself to speak up. transparency is a key trait of a good friendship, and it can lead to both people feeling more deeply known and appreciated.

show a little understanding.

new research finds that something that makes relationships deeper is when the people in that relationship feel understood. to create a new level of closeness, think about tangible ways you can show your friend that you understand them; this can look like giving a birthday gift that shows how attentive you are to their interests, or you could even send them links to videos you know they’ll uniquely appreciate.

keep your eyes open for opportunities to show your friends that you see them and care for them.

take a trip down memory lane.

research shows that nostalgia has the power to connect us to one another. if you’ve been looking for ways to have a less superficial relationship with friends, seize moments to reach backwards instead of forwards when it feels right.

try surprising your friend by sending them a throwback photo of you both along with a few lines describing that feel-good moment. you can also make a date to visit an old hangout spot or co-create a playlist of songs that take you back to a special time.

keep your eyes open for ways to reflect on positive shared experiences from the past, and that mood boost will help you feel more bonded to one another.

in a time of disconnection, it’s nice to have friendships where you can show up freely and authentically. creating this kind of depth and comfort takes time and intentionality, but if you’re up for the challenge, you’ll soon be on your way toward creating more satisfying platonic relationships with people who feel like home.

author bio

Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator who speaks nationally about the science of women’s platonic connections. She is also the author of Fighting for Our Friendships (May 2024).

Danielle’s coaching business, Friend Forward, is dedicated to teaching women how to create and maintain better female friendships, and her expertise has been featured in The New York Times, NBC News, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, Good Morning America, and a host of other media outlets. As a member of the American Sociological Association, she uses the latest research to create tangible strategies to help women create more depth in their platonic relationships.

Companies like TikTok, the NBA, NFL, and Etsy have all worked with Danielle to address the topic of connection psychology. She’s even served as Bumble’s resident friendship expert and spokesperson for its new app, Bumble for Friends.

Danielle shares her insight weekly on The Friend Forward Podcast. You can learn more about Danielle and her work by visiting www.betterfemalefriendships.com.